Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Standing on the Promises

Do you ever think about what it will be like to see J3sus?  I mean, I think as Followers we all do.  When we actually get to feel His embrace, see His face, and hear His voice.  I think the song hits the nail on the head when it says "I can only imagine."  One of my favorite things to do is imagine that day.  I honestly think I sometimes make C a little nervous because I frequently go on and on about how excited I am to be there.  Just to be face to face with J.  It's going to be amazing.  There won't be any distractions or obstacles that get in the way of our intimacy with Him.  It will just be us and Him and glory and joy and peace.

The other day I was listening to Spotify and the song The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe came on:

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you
I want to sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming
I really do believe that the L0rd is sovereign over the shuffling playlist on Spotify because this song perfectly matched the way I was feeling.  I was thinking about being in His presence and how excited and ready I am to be there.  I'm a weary sinner, and I'm really ready to be free of the things that too often keep me from my Father.  I was thinking about how excited I am to be in eternity when the L0rd reminded me that His love for me is the same today as it will be on that day.  Yes, His love for me is the same today as it will be on that day! Now that's amazing.  He doesn't only love the made-new, perfected version of me that He will embrace on that day.  He loves me now.  Although unhindered intimacy with Him will be perfect and wonderful in eternity, He wants to embrace me, speak to me, and reveal Himself to me just as much now as He will want to then. Father reminded me of His promises in Scr!pture that if we seek Him, we will find Him.  There's no question, no maybe.  If we seek Him, we will find Him.  That's a promise.

In Deuteronomy 4, Moses is speaking to the Israelites about entering the promised land, and he reminds them of where the L0rd has brought them from and warns them about the danger of forgetting what He has done and giving in to idolatry.  However, even in his warning, there is a promise:

"When you father children and children's children, and have grown old in the land, if you act corruptly by making a carved image in the form of anything, and by doing what is evil in the sight of the L0rd your G0d, so as to provoke him to anger, I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that you will soon utterly perish from the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.  You will not live long in it, but will be utterly destroyed.  And the L0rd will scatter you among the peoples, and you will be left few in number among the nations where the L0rd will drive you.  And there you will serve gods of wood and stone, the work of human hands, that neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell.  But from there you will seek the L0rd your G0d and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.  When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the L0rd your G0d and obey his voice.  For the L0rd you G0d is a m3rciful G0d.  He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them." (Deut. 4:25-31)
As I did more reading, I found another Scr!pture that says almost the exact same thing.  In Jeremiah's letter to the exiles in Babylon, he speaks of a promise:

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the L0rd, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the L0rd, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." (Jer. 29:12-14)
And again in a Psalm of David from the wilderness of Judah:
“You, G0d, are my G0d, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1)

Although I'm positive I don't know what it means to truly suffer or be in exile, I feel more and more heavily the "tribulations" of this world.  There are "gods of wood and stone" (and plasma...if you're talking about TV screens) everywhere I look, and I grow weary of the tribulations I allow into my life when I choose idols over the One I love.  In so many ways I feel like this land (especially the land we are currently living in) is a "dry and parched land."  Our world is broken, and it's only right to long for the New Earth, the perfect Earth; however, it is equally important to long for more of Him "from here" (Deut. 4:29).
The words of the song are true.  When we seek Him, we find Him.  When we find Him, we love Him more.  When we love him more, we want other things less.  When we want other things less, we repent of idolatry.  When we repent of idolatry, there are fewer things keeping us from experiencing His love more fully.  I'm so thankful that He sought and found me in my exile, when my idolatry was at its worst, and made it possible for me to seek Him.  I'm overjoyed that it doesn't stop there but that there is a promise for continued "finding" of J.  I will never stop anxiously awaiting the day when I can physically embrace J3sus and be fully in His presence, but until then, with His help and only by His gr@ce,I will earnestly seek Him and stand firm on the promise that there is more of Him to find, know, and love.


Sunday, March 13, 2016

Success

If moving to a far off land does anything for a person, it tests them to the core, or at least that has been the case for me.  A year ago, when we left all of our family and friends, everything we knew, all that was comfortable, I was broken as Father revealed how tightly my identity was wound up in all of the things and people I missed so much.  As complicated as dealing with things like identity, idols, and other deep issues of the heart are, it also brought a sense of simplicity to my life and my f@ith.  More complicated things didn't matter as much because I just needed J to get me through the day...sometimes the hour.  Throughout the last year, I’ve been frustrated that there are many idealistic phrases we use or Scr!ptures we commonly quote that I believe to be true but sometimes run past thinking I already know it.  Even worse, many of the Truths I know, I have never learned how practically live out. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how “the fear of the L0rd is the beginning of wisdom” and how to “trust Him with all my heart”, what it means to live simply and how identity plays out in day-to-day life. I know that I won’t learn or understand everything this side of eternity, but having so many things stripped away made me desperate to understand more deeply and practically the One thing that always remains.

Last month I read Prov. 3, the home of verses 5 & 6, two of the most quoted verses ever:

“5 Trust in the L0rd with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”  

They are great verses!  As I meditated on them, I thought a lot about what full trust and surrender look like practically.  In what ways am I not trusting Father with all of my heart?  Where are the big areas or little corners of my heart that I’ve fooled myself into thinking He has, but secretly have not allowed Him into yet? In what areas of my life do I forget to acknowledge Him as the glorious, perfect One that He is? To really take time to think about whether you have opened ALL of your heart and are FULLY surrendered is a sobering thing. 

One of the greatest ways I’ve failed to trust my whole life (but especially since being here) is in comparison. It’s a thing we all (especially women) know well.  I don’t know how many times I’ve told other people and myself that ”comparison is the thief of joy”.  Few statements are more true.  Maybe Teddy Roosevelt (or whoever said it first) had just finished watching his wife spend the day busy and frantically doing things that are supposed to bring joy.  I’ve emulated this as I’ve run around trying to figure out who I am in Asia. When we moved, my identity was shaken. I knew it was supposed to be in Chr!st, and before moving I would have told you that it was; however, I didn’t realize how much American culture had shaped my identity and, therefore, every part of my life . We had walked away from the American Dream, so what did ministry, friendship, marriage, and life took like in this context?  It became so easy to define myself by how my life compares with the lives of other Workers here. I've compared everything from homemade bread to outreach strategies.  What is the root of comparison?  For me, it comes down to wanting to be the best.  Wanting glory.  As I read Prov. 3, Father continued to speak to me about this big part of my heart that trickles into so many smaller areas of my life.  I was convicted but also not shocked about these revelations.  After all, how many ladies’ groups have I sat through where these issues—comparison and identity—were discussed. These are age old issues, but somehow I’ve never known where to start dealing with them. I wanted to know how my life can practically be different.  How can I learn to not seek glory?  How can this conviction lead to real change, not just an underlying issue that I write in my journal about for years but struggle to overcome? 

I felt like Father really answered those questions with verses 1-3:

 “1 My son do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. 3 Let not steadfast love and f@ithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.”  

Okay, so, practically…what are Father’s teaching & commandments?  Ultimately, everything in the Book points to J, His Good News, and His gl0ry, and the greatest commandment is to love him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. But how?  How can a person of such small faith like me, someone who struggles to trust in Him with all my heart obey this greatest commandment?  I have a tendency towards a do-more personality, call it Type A or whatever you want (I’m learning that we too often define ourselves by our personalities or tendencies rather than by the Truth of the Word and who it says we are).  I cannot do-more and will not trust Him more without verse 3.  Remembering his steadfast love and f@ithfulness changes everything.  When I acknowledge His loving promises and f@ithfulness to keep them, trusting becomes a more simple task.  Not always easy, but simple.  I will never be free from comparison or sure of my identity unless I remember Father’s love.  I imagine that binding the Truth around your neck and writing it on the tablet of your heart is a B!ble time version of writing it on a sticky note or (as in elementary school) on the palm of your hand because it’s THAT important to remember.  How many times a day do I fiddle with a necklace that is bound around my neck?  That many times a day I should meditate on the finished work of J. 

When I DO remember it, verse 4 follows:

 “4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of G0d and man.” 

My first thought was “Ha!  Funny that it's exactly what I'm striving for in comparison."  Focusing on Father fulfills the things I deeply long for without the stress of comparing. That's not a surprise.  But the HS revealed something else beyond what I already know to be true.  Maybe “good success” isn’t defined by the standards I set for myself or that are projected on me through comparison: cooking, cleaning, m!nistering, being a wife, (someday) mothering.  If “good success” ends with me, it isn’t success.  Maybe “good success” for the day is just clinging hard to his steadfast love and faithfulness.  For me, it’s a battle to remember this, especially with the oppression and darkness that are at play where we live.  However, through the sp!ritual warfare, it has always held true that if we speak the name of J and acknowledge Him then the trust comes more easily despite what we feel or understand.  When we acknowledge who He is, His power, love, goodness, strength, then we are humbled and our eyes see clearly His trustworthiness.  Likewise, when we exercise trust in Him, we are acknowledging Him as Greater, as L0rd, the Shepherd of our path.  This is echoed in verses 7-8:

“7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the L0rd, and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

This IS great success.  To see the Beautiful, Glorious One for who He is and to be in awe of it—then we see ourselves, sin, the enemy’s lies, and the finished work of J more clearly. 

For me, practically living out Prov. 3:1-8 means speaking out loud what I know to be True in order to silence the lies of the enemy.  It means choosing to call myself something besides a perfectionist, Type A, or whatever other tendencies I have because they are not my full identity.  It means reading the Book, not so that I can have something profound to share during fellowship time, but so that my mind is full of Good things.  It looks like distrusting my flesh and allowing Father to reveal the s!n that I don't see. For me, it means simplifying.  There are plenty of deep theological things to ponder and debate, and I think I could drive myself crazy questioning each of my actions and motives to the core, but what I really need today and everyday is just to look at J.

Friday, November 13, 2015

The Gift(s) of the Body


October was definitely one of the most encouraging months we’ve had since arriving here because it ended with four very dear friends from the States coming to visit us, encourage us, and experience life with us. Not only that, but they brought along four footlockers filled with gifts, goodies, and notes wishing us well from people back home. As we sorted through the items and read the messages aloud to each other, i was reminded of the importance of the Body and how our work here truly is just an extension of the Body and a small part of what the Body is doing as a whole, both here and around the entire world. 

As i pondered what it meant for the Body to be working together in unison for Father’s glory, i went to the Word to remind myself of what this should look like. i found what i expected to find, but was also intrigued by a Truth i had never before noticed.

The three main places in the NT where Paul talks about us as being the Body are also the three main places where the NT talks about spiritua1 gifts: Rom. 12, 1 Cor. 12, and Eph 4. Each of these passages also ends with some sort of admonition to persevere in love of one another. Because my concern was receiving encouragement from the passages about the Body, i was initially tempted to skim past the bits about gifts—and, in fact, did as i read through Rom. 12—until i saw that each of the three passages had these same three components.

In light of this, it didn’t seem quite right to separate out these ideas that were so intertwined in the Word, so i began to think on them as a whole. The first thing that struck me is how interesting it is that the “gifts” are one of the biggest sources of division between denominations when Paul was so careful to point out how important it is that the Body remain firm as one rather than for one member to say to the other “I have no need of you” (1 Cor. 12:21). Paul wrote this to ensure “that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another” (vs. 25).

Moving here was an interesting experience for many reasons, but one reason is because we were thrown into a city with about eight other families from the States, most of whom came from different backgrounds and practices, though all were Family. Some were more charismatic, some more conservative, but we all had the same underlying goal. It is probably one of the greatest pictures of the diverse Body working together that i have personally ever experienced—not that it is perfect by any means. We still have problems and issues the same as anywhere else, but it has been fun to work through differences and grow together.

Coming back to our friends from the states coming to visit us, i think my wife and i would agree that the two verses that sum it up best are found in the introduction to Rom.:

“For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritua1 gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.” Rom. 1:11-12

These verses (yet another perfect union of gifts working within the Body) encompass our desires and feelings for the team that came. We truly cannot express with words what an encouragement it was to the depths of our souls to see and share life with these four. And from what they told us, it seems they were encouraged as well. A mutual encouragement of faith. It was truly life-giving. We hope—if you know any of these four—that you get the chance to talk with them and hear about life here. There is so much that we wish we could share, but space to write and the sensitive nature of some of the issues won’t allow. We do hope you get the chance to hear though!

The Body, though complex and diverse, is definitely one of the greatest opportunities for us to display the love of our Father. The Son himself proclaims in Jn. 13:35, “By this all people will know that you are my discip1es, if you have love for one another.” The love and encouragement provided by the team that came will continue to carry forward as we press forward here.  We love and miss our friends, family, and fellow laborers back States-side, and we lift you up to Father often. As we each fulfill our different roles in the Body, let us press forward as one, in love, for the glory of our Great Father.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Pardon the Interruption


People keep interrupting me when i’m trying to get stuff done. Sure, sometimes i’m only resting or doing something for entertainment, but other times there are important things i need to finish that i had specifically allotted time to complete. Who do these people think they are, interrupting my schedule?

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.            -Philipp1ans 2:3-4

The heart of man plans his way, but the L0RD establishes his steps.            -Pr0verbs 16:9

So often i will elevate my to-do list to such importance that i feel as though everyone else—even people i don’t know—should know exactly what i want to do, how i want it done, and stay out of the way unless they are of some value to my task. But no matter where i’ve lived, for some reason people just can’t get on board with this. i’ve found this to be a source of my frustration in my life, and thankfully, Father in his mercy has convicted me in regard to my pride and broadened my perspective a bit through watching the life of Chr1st.

J3sus was often on his way to do something (pretty much always something of more significance than anything i’ve got going on) when life was interrupted by other people.

On his way to restore life to a little girl, he stops to talk with the bleeding woman who touched him (Mt 9).
On his way out of the temple, he “passed by” a man born blind and stopped to heal him after his disciples asked about that man’s sins (Jn 9).
On his way to seek Father in private after the death of John the Bapt1st, he stops to heal the sick and feeds the five thousand (Mt 14).
On his way to Jerusa1em for Passion week, “passing through” Jericho he stops to stay a while with Z@cchaeus (Lk 19).

There are so many times throughout the G0spels where it speaks of J3sus as being en route to a place or event only to be stalled by an interruption that he seizes as an opportunity to give glory to G0d. Even more striking is that the interruptions are almost exclusively by people whom society had deemed unworthy of their time. These were the blind, the lame, the lepers, the sinners, the outcasts. A good, ch-going man wouldn’t be caught dead speaking to them or spending time with them, just like the priest and Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan; however, J3sus
touches the unclean leper,
takes the hand of the lame,
speaks with the blind beggar,
eats with the sinners and tax collectors.

He has very close and personal contact with people who most (i must confess, often myself included) would pass by avoiding eye contact, although perhaps offering a silent pr@yer to Father on the person’s behalf in an effort to maintain a clean conscience. All too often i have asked Father to send someone to help a person when i am already standing right there, available if only i would lay down my task, my reputation, my pride.

i am called a part of the Body for a reason. A living body doesn’t just exist; it has function and purpose. As a part of the Body, i do too. In working, sometimes hands and feet get dirty. i must be willing to do the same. J3sus is not asking me to do something he didn’t do; rather, he is asking me to follow the very model he set forth.

He had tasks of eternal importance, and yet he was willing to be present in every moment of his time on this earth. Though he did finish every bit of the mission that he came to complete, he was also aware of the numerous “good works, which G0d prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph 2:10).

This has been a difficult lesson to learn, and quite often i find myself still frustrated when i’m interrupted. (Ironically enough, as i was writing this blog post, my wife asked me to go to the store with her. Thankfully, this was already on my mind!) It is in meditating upon J3sus that my pride and frustrations melt away. Philipp1ans 2:3-4 is quoted above. The next verses put the focus completely on J3sus:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Chr1st J3sus, who, though he was in the form of G0d, did not count equality with G0d a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.            -Philipp1ans 2:5-8

J3sus, completely holy, absolutely pure, fully satisfied, perfectly joyful in his communion with Father in heaven was interrupted.
By me.
i was dead in my transgressions, a hater of G0d, lover of darkness, worshipper of self.
J3sus saw me in my blind, dead, helpless state, and allowed himself to be interrupted from glory in heaven to come and die a gruesome death on a cross, facing the wrath of G0d on my behalf. Even the small interruptions during his ministry when he would pause to help the helpless point to his overarching mission. Perfect relationship with Father was interrupted by his death, burial, and resurrection. And what a glorious interruption it is.

Therefore G0d has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of J3sus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that J3sus Chr1st is L0rd, to the glory of G0d the Father.            -Philipp1ans 2:9-11

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Running the Race

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.”    Pr0verbs 4:25-27

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.”    1 C0rinthians 9:24

Lately, i have spent a good amount of time thinking about why i continue to sin. i don’t mean just accidental slips of the tongue either. What concerns me even more are those instances when i have—by His gr@ce—a brief moment of clarity and clearly see the straight and narrow path, yet i then choose to
lay on the horn out of frustration
throw a pity party because i didn’t get my way
talk down about shortcomings of others
count my happiness as more important than helping others
count my comfort as more important than telling others
harbor anger over the most trivial of trespasses
say the sarcastic reply that wounds my wife
willingly, knowingly sin.

i avoid gr@ce.

This is what has been bothering me. It is really a terrifying thought that i would willingly sin in the  presence of The H0ly G0d and seemingly shirk the gr@ce set before me. When given the glorious gift of life, it seems as though my body still craves death. It’s self-satisfying, self-gratifying, self-destructive. To a degree, i guess on this side of heaven we won’t be able to fully understand, as shown by Paul’s discourse in R0mans 7 where he struggles in doing what he doesn’t want to do and not doing what he does want to do. It would appear that we are locked in a constant battle against the darkness in this world. But, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, right? If there is “no condemnation for those who are in Chr1st J3sus,” then let this fuel us in our pursuit toward the Father.

In thinking about how to live in light of this, Paul’s analogy of running a race seemed so fitting. When you run, you are focused, determined, driven. You only take note of those things directly in your path. You don’t notice what may be on your right or left. If you are really running the race to win, your eyes are on the finish line, and you are giving all you have to get there as fast as you can. Staying in your lane is almost effortless as your gaze on the end draws you forward.

When we slow in our pursuit of G0d, we begin to take notice of our surroundings. Creation is beautiful and contains many tempting rest stops, but if you stop, you don’t finish the race. When you become concerned with those things around you, energy is stolen from the task at hand. Looking to the crowd in the stands for approval, looking to see those who have fallen behind you, looking anywhere except the finish line will always hinder.

i am prone to look elsewhere. prone to seek approval. prone to see who i am faster than, better than. prone to see if i might be missing out on some “good” thing because i was running. But we know the truth. The gr@ce at the finish line is far greater than any of the fleeting pleasures that can so easily entangle us. As we dwell upon this grace that has already been purchased for us, it will continue to grow more precious in our sight. This loving grace is the energy that propels us onward. We have been promised a crown if we endure to the end. There is a joyous hope set before us. There is nothing to gain by slowing in the race, but there is everything to lose. Our H0ly Father, the Creator, the Sovereign G0d is standing at the finish line, crown in hand extending grace. So next time the temptation to sin arises, choose gr@ce. Press forward. Don’t give an inch. Eyes on Father. And run.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Hearts Laid Bare

As I am trying to explain our experiences, triumphs, and trials to loved ones back home, I struggle.  I feel as though there are so many words I want to say and many stories I want to share, yet I'm unable to find the right words.  Sometimes I feel like there is no true way to communicate what we our new life is like...it has to be experienced to be understood.  At times it is frustrating to be unable to truly share what is happening here with you all, but there is also something beautiful about it as we have grown to see it as an undeserved gift He has given us.  It would be a lie to say that there have been no tears, struggle, or pain since we arrived here; however, Father has been speaking two things to us during the past few months.  1) It is a privilege to experience life here (and at times struggle through it).  2) He is worth it.

Before we moved, we knew there would be challenges in facing a new culture and language in addition to the sp!ritual aspect of doing the Boss' work; however, I believe that no amount of training or guidance could fully prepare us for being here.  Although we have not faced trials here as heart-breaking and devastating as many of our brothers and sisters back home and around the world, it is true that our new life has brought struggle.  This move is something that we looked forward to since 2013, but upon arrival, I found myself homesick and lacking the passion that once consumed my heart for His work.  I now longed to be back in our college town, attending the fellowship that made us feel like family, and spending time going to our favorite restaurants with family and the life-long friends Father graciously provided for us during college.   Truly, these feelings terrified me...how could my passion for His recognition fade in light of homesickness and the sweet life I missed back home?  Wasn't I the one that just spent years telling the youth at our fellowship that He is worth anything?  What was wrong in my heart to make me so quickly want to abandon what He had spent years preparing us for? Not only did these feelings scare me, they became a gateway for the enemy to speak condemnation both of our hearts. C & I struggled for weeks with the ugliness of our hearts.  It seemed that coming here had stripped away the surface of who we are and revealed the depths of our hearts.  This new home brought out every insecurity, fear, selfish ambition, doubt, as well as every bit of vanity and materialism that remained in our lives; it truly felt as though we were laid bare, and it was not pretty.  It was a dark season, and I wrote our last blog post in the middle of it.  But oh how very thankful I am that Father does not leave us in our darkness, nor does He let the lies of the enemy remain in our hearts.

First, Father began to reveal to us how easy it is to idolize His good gifts in our lives.  This is not to say that His gifts are not to be rejoiced in; however, as soon as our hearts desire them above Him, we have a problem.  Before arriving, I knew that there were things/people I idolized at times; however, I did not see the extent to which I relied on them until they were stripped away and all that was left was Father.  It was scary and humbling to realize that when these things were stripped away, I became angry.  Maybe my f@ith in Father was less deeply rooted and my full dependence on Him less solid than I thought.  Over the last several weeks, Father has been gr@ciously helping me release the idols which I had clung to...to appreciate them as ble3sings rather than cling to them as necessities for joy. 

Furthermore, He has provided gr@ce upon gr@ce for us as our s!nful hearts continue to be revealed and s@nctified.  Although feelings of condemnation reigned in the beginning (and still creep in some days), Father reminded us through the truth of His Words that we are forgiven and loved, held in His palm, never to be released.  Through this process, we have grown thankful as we realized that it is a privilege for Father to bring us to a place where the depths of our souls are made new.  It would have been so easy for Him to leave us in our comfort rather than bring us to a place where most comforts are stripped away and He is all that remains.  We have continuously asked Him through the years to make us more like Him, to reveal our s!n and help us r3pent.  Perhaps we didn't expect the answer to our prs to be so difficult, but we began to realize that we were receiving exactly what we asked for!  Not only was He changing us, He brought us to a place in the world where there are more opportunities to be made like Him than we've ever experienced before.  What a great Father we have who doesn't leave us where we are!

Not only has Father used this move to reveal to us more and more who we are, we have seen His character in a new light.  As the depths of our hearts have been laid open we have seen Him as Patient.  As we miss loved ones and long for home, we have seen Him as Comfort.  As we need so desperately for Him to change our hearts, we have seen Him as R3deemer.  As He asked us to be a part of His work, only then to reveal our s!n (and still include us in it), we have seen Him as a Gift Giver.  The word privilege has been at the forefront of our minds the last several weeks.  Through the revelation of our hearts, we saw how truly undeserving we are to be apart of anything Good, yet Father has not only s@ved us, He has brought us to a place where He can grow us into deeper people and has invited us to go to work with Him everyday. 

One of the moments when I heard Father's voice most clearly was listening to a song I've known for years.  The lyrics are nothing new to me, yet when the song came on, it was as if I was hearing it for the first time.  Through it, Father reminded me that it is a privilege and it is worth it to be s@nctified by fire and to follow the only One who is worthy of being followed. 

Please lay down your arrows
For they're sure to pierce the skin
And water from a broken well
Will make you thirst again
When all things you've acquired
Are tested by the flames
And you can see them melting
Then will you call his name

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your s!n
Did you know that you are dearly loved

To the slaughters you are being led
Being told that it's a party
That this G0d is in your head
And every single lie
Sounds just like the greatest truth
But the one truth you're not hearing
Is that he died for you

No greater joy
No greater peace
No greater love than this

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your s!n
Did you know that you are dearly loved

(Dearly Loved, Jimmy Needham)


"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your f@ith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in the pr@ise and gl0ry and h0nor at the revelation of (the Son)." 1Peter 3:6-7

Although the struggle does s@nctify us and prove our f@ith genuine, the trials ultimately lead to His gl0rification in our lives.   There is nothing more worth it, and by His gr@ce, we will remember this truth. 

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Anchor for my Soul

Hi everyone,

The last month has been such a whirlwind of circumstances and emotions, and we would like to thank those of you who have contacted us to offer words of encouragement or have simply remembered us in your time with Dad.  We have said goodbye to literally everything and everyone we know.  I'm not sure than any number of months of preparation or pr can prepare you for that experience.  Our last Sunday at PA, our fellowship in San Angelo, was so bittersweet.  How special it was to be with our brothers and sisters who helped prepare us and encourage us in this journey; however, saying that many goodbyes in one day is something we never want to do again! 

Arriving in our new home and adjusting to life here has felt like a roller coaster at times.  At first, I (A) woke up homesick every single morning as the reality of being so far from family would hit me like a ton of bricks.  C struggled each day with a dark feeling of oppression.  Realizing that almost every face we see is the face of a lost soul as well as feeling pressure to care for me in a completely foreign context weighed on him more than ever.  There was never doubt in our minds that we are in the middle of His will; however, we were struggling to be joyful and at home here.  Although I never truly considered coming home, there certainly were moments when all I wanted was to be at home with familiar faces and comfortable surroundings.

Each day became easier and easier.  Small milestones encouraged us to keep pushing forward: our first scooter ride, first time buying groceries at the market, first time to order a meal for ourselves.  Things which were simple, everyday tasks in the States became things to celebrate when we accomplished them without making a spectacle of ourselves.

Approximately a week after arriving, we found an apartment.  For the past 7 months, we have been SO blessed to be invited into two different homes and cared for as family; however, we were so excited to find a place that we could make into our very own home.  As a woman, I think there is just something so sweet about setting up your home.  Preparing a place where we will welcome people into our lives and hopefully His Life was incredibly therapeutic for me.  C was also very sweet and patient with me as I chose to paint every room. We are choosing furniture this week and will hopefully be living on our own soon!!

On March 23, we began language school.  It has been exciting, overwhelming, and interesting trying to learn one of the hardest languages in the world.  Our "classroom" is a beautiful rooftop terrace that overlooks mountains and tea terraces.  Occasionally it rains so much during class that we have to move into the teacher's office.  As people who are used to tumbleweeds and dust, we have savored every minute of the beautiful weather and scenery!

Even in these triumphs and joys, there was something heavy lingering in our hearts.  Last Sunday, going into our time of fellowship, C & I were so hungry and desperate for Father.  Throughout singing time, I journaled with tears in my eyes as I was longing for His words and His presence.  Next to me, I could hear C singing with a strained voice.  For teaching time, we turned on a podcast from a teacher who I would occasionally listen to in the States and really like.  His lesson was over Gen 15 where Father made His covenant with Abram: to give him descendents as many as the stars as well as the land of Canaan.  Abram's response to this was, "O L0rd G0d, how am I to know that I will possess it?"  Abram did not say this in lack of f@ith, as verse 6 talks about how his belief was credited to him as r!ghteousness; however, I do believe that he needed his f@ith to be affirmed.  It appears that he needed reassurance that Father would follow through on His promises.  Oh, how perfectly I could relate!!!  That was exactly how I was feeling: knowing He is good and f@ithful yet needing an extra measure of gr@ce.

Although I had read the part of the passage which describes the covenant, I had never studied or fully understood the meaning of the sacrifice.  The teacher explained that establishing a covenant during this time meant acting out what was to happen if the promise was broken (in this case, the body of the carcass being broken and diminished).  Each party would pass through to represent their end of the bargain.  The teacher explained that the smoking fire pot and flaming torch which passed between the pieces signified the presence of G0d and that in Gen 15, He passes through alone.   Father promised to keep His end of the covenant otherwise His name would be diminished; He would no longer be the Promise-Keeper. 

In addition to this, the teacher pointed out that the more important question seemed to be, "How will I keep my end of the bargain?"  This was another thought that I could relate with as I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is good, yet I am always doubting whether or not I can actually be f@ithful & 0bedient.  So often my attitude is, "I will let me down.  I will let you down."  But isn't that the point?  The Presence passed through alone; therefore, upholding His part and Abram's part of the covenant.  In the same way that a broken covenant would require the breaking and diminishing of the guilty party, my breaking of the covenant required @tonement.  Father held up my end of the bargain for me, and in this I can rest! This is the Good News.


In this passage, Father does not promise Abram that everything will be simple; in fact, He promises that Abram's offspring will be sojourners and servants, afflicted for four hundred years.  Even so, the covenant stands.  I was so encouraged after listening to this teaching.  Although darkness and struggling had been looming, C & I rejoiced in knowing that Father already paid our price for breaking the covenant.  Now we can live as free, forgiven people, promised Life in Him.  This makes all struggles worth bearing.  This week, we are thankful that His promises stand.  We are secure in Him.  This is our anchor.  This is what keeps us grounded despite the waters which toss us to and fro (especially in a crazy place like SEA!).

Rejoicing in Him,

C&A